malas gyud diay ka

akong phone nasa kuwarto.
si badang nasa phone. gahapon ra xa giabot gikan manila.
so wala nako natubag imong mga tawag.

i’m sorry..

for feeling a little happy when you were angry.
your useless words just went by my ears while i was on the phone.
see? i’m this miserable.

bore

“i wish i could do more for you, for us”
such simple words to say
but beneath them lies truth;
there is clarity in your face.

there’s light dancing inside
the portals of your soul
at times shadows overcome
and then you become a stranger.
dilate contract and back again
what do you mean to say?
sometimes words fall too short
for the emotions held in place.
i look at you and then i know
how often they contend
that feelings are felt, said out loud
truly they haven’t seen your eyes.
what gestures fail to communicate
the irises make up on the surface
souls draw back, hide and move
rarely still to be unmasked.
poets translate beauty and art
musicians string up notes
but lies, veneers and walls
are still waiting to be discovered.
emotions intensify colors
silence fill in the gaps.
i can your eyes shout out,
“please take me back”.

burn to ashes

Q: How come it’s only Bella who gets happy endings?

A: Because she’s not real!

***

unstable. angry. psychotic.

i sure as hell hate myself right now for being such a disappointment.

so many mistakes i’ve made that can never be taken back or for me to compensate.

pesti. i think i understand the self-loathing that Edward feels and the hatred that Jacob has for every little bit of pain he caused the people he loved, especially Bella.

I don’t want to finish Breaking Dawn anymore.

I don’t want to study.

I don’t want to live.

I don’t want me.

broken

With broken wings you carry on, never knowing how this road may end

You live a life behind a mask and it hurts to know

That no one reached enough to take it off.

And you stand there alone

Dec 4’06

star

A star so far and wide

Too great for men to reach

Have I a right to make it mine

Or do I wait for its descent to me?

I felt my heart break

All shattered to pieces once again

The burden of the tears I shed

Is  too much to comprehend

How can I go back to live

If my soul no longer exists?

What purpose is the light from above

If all along I have lived in the abyss?

Fairy tales and happy endings

Are mere excuses and lies

Life is not always jolly and smooth

Behind the pain is where reality hides

I’ve fettered my heart too many times

Now I hold back once more

What use are my silly rhymes

If what I’ve given will never be returned?

Feb 15’06

beast within

I am a beast, a beast within

Too many dark secrets inside of me

Seemingly strong but weak

 

I’ve come this far to have it all

But now I fall

Shattering my being in pieces

 

Too long has pain overshadowed me

And now I see

My selfishness has left me blind.

 

What is it that I want to see?

What treasure do I wish to find?

Life itself has no meaning.

 

The beast now hides in a hole

Forever in total darkness

A star never meant to be seen

nov 25’05

to see

 don’t want to die alone

Enough with the stupid lies

I want to stop, I need to escape

And see with no hatred in my eyes.

Nov 25′05

there’s no use crying

[1] The world is full of ingrates, lost and insecure people who bombard other empty souls with expectations for them to live. What is the purpose of a life if they push others to be who they failed to be?

[2] As the winds of change howl once more, a lifeless face shivers and her longing intensifies as each minute passes. She stares vacantly at the happy faces of the family inside the warm house; wishing, hoping to feel even a single millisecond of the glow of happiness and sense of belongingness they have within. But like her future, that remains a dream, an illusion.

[3] There are people who, even though they have seen the light at the end of the tunnel, remain in darkness as people pass them by. People who live in the dark are not necessarily cowards who feed on hatred and revenge. They are simply confused souls who are overshadowed by pain that they feel incomplete without it. So throughout their lives, they hide in the dark and look for pain for comfort. They inflict pain not on other people but at themselves, knowing that after doing so, emptiness of the heart will become their friend. Pain is good. Pain is powerful. Darkness doesn’t always mean evil. Sometimes, it is the light that frightens us most, knowing that when we bask in the light and people follow, we can never go back. 

 sept 5′05

cynic

I lay awake and stare in space

Devoid of love, swallowed by hate

What becomes of thy fate,

Now that pity comes too late? July 21’05