“72 ang pinaka lumpa sa tanan debaters.”

so maybe i wasn’t able to get over it. we lost the debate because we lacked matter and enough evidence to support our arguments. i know also for a fact that i AM the weakest link of the team since overall, i had the lowest speakership scores. but then again, i was able to provide some research background on the topics, my “shared sciences” argument was utilized and put into good use and like everyone out there, i did try my best..

i think i got past all that yesterday after eating my ice cream.

my depression over the regret and the self-blame only resurfaced after i browsed through my usb and found an article which could have been useful. and i never printed it.

so we finished second in the Philippine Nursing Students Association debate held last August 29-30. Capitol University is the champion for 2009.

my consolation prizes are:
[1] the juniors team (XU2) got in the finals
[2] we got to the finals without preparing as much as CU did
[3] we debated without a mentor
[4] i learned much from the experience
[5] i conformed to the theme “Peaceful and Intellectual discussions for Civic Consciousness and Awareness” (at least i think that was the team. I’ll confirm later on.)
[6] mark still thinks I’m indespensible
[7] kuya and the rest of PDC actually acknowledge my existence now! haha.

rants:
i’m beginning to dislike our team captain. she sets practices a day before and she’s so forgiving when it comes to her being absent but doesn’t extend the same scope of forgiveness to us.
i still don’t know the progress of our ward class.

PS
i might try this

December 11– the Lovely bones

anywhere but here

i hate living in this house with impaired communication lines, thick barriers plus egocentric people too caught up in their own pathetic selves.

family is a hoax. i should have died a long long time ago. but then again, i’m rotting at the moment, taking bit by bit off my sanity and sleazy existence so what’s the use of wishes when it’s here?

three more years, give or take. and i’ll be out of here. forever.

i hate you. no, i don’t care about you. starting now.

August 19 – Philippines (Manila)

yay!

from imdb:
Only two of last week’s new releases managed to hit the top five. The Goods: Live Hard, Sell Hard, Ponyo and Bandslam took sixth, ninth and thirteenth respectively. Here’s the top five:

1. District 9: $37.4 million

2. G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra: $22.3 million

3. The Time Traveler’s Wife: $18.6 million

4. Julie & Julia: $12 million

5. G-Force: $6.9 million

and indescribable:

“The Time Traveler’s” Wife Coming to ABC as a Series?

i wonder when it will be shown here in CDO. I’ll be waiting.

regarding my life, we’re currently preparing for Intrams and for the 2nd Philippines Nursing Students Association debate which will happen on September and this Saturday, August 29 respectively.

We trained with the Debate Circle this morning and I still need so much to improve on. But I’m working on it. I still need to read articles and laws and bills and rights and the list goes on.

We’ll be in the DR area next week. I’m excited and anxious but I’ll do my best. I’ll head out now, I have to review for a Psychiatric test tomorrow.

Oh yeah, notice how they spelled Clare’s name wrong in the icon? i did. Che, I want Henry back! :p

learning feedback diary draft

i’ve learned something valuable to me today. i surmise that i am not able to perform at my best no matter how much i push myself because some part of me has already given up; somewhere within me has already concluded that i am not enough and that i shouldn’t even try. and this is where my fear takes over because i do not want to be insufficient and i always make it a point to AT LEAST try. I’ve drawn up a defense mechanism to compensate for that fear and now i realize as i look back that indeed, i have never seen myself perform my best since gradeschool.

although it seems too dramatic in the clinical setting, the fact that we are already tackling psychiatric topics have made me stop and contemplate on the individual that i am today. after all the reflection time i’ve spent, this is the end product. bearing this is mind, there is a need for me to improve on myself but before i can, i still have to go back to take out the root that’s been holding me back.

i’ve also learned for the past two weeks, that time wasted is opportunities for growth lost. many times, my priorities weren’t really as urgent and i ended up doing things i regretted since in the end, i realized i could have used the time spent for something more productive.