ayayix

i know i’m an ass. i can be so insensitive. and i am aware that i am right now. i’m sorry for hurting you when i worried about my microbiolab report over the fact that ken was in the porch while you were on your way home. it’s not that i don’t care. i just had a bad day. i failed two tests today and their impact on my grades are greater than i imagined them to be. so i’m sorry. secondly, i think it would also help that little by little, you learn to overcome your anger and the grudge you hold, stop from reacting too much and start accepting the reality that life is never really fair. there are instances that will hurt us and us alone while the other person walks away from it like nothing happened. there are also times when we have to face them no matter how unpleasant or uncomfortable it may be, because sooner or later, you are bound to cross paths again. so i’m sorry. i’m not much of a sanse these days aren’t i? i’m sorry for that too.

slow me down

Slow me down by Emmy Rossum

but this one’s nice too:

Rushing and racing and running in circles
Moving so fast I’m forgetting my purpose
Blur of the traffic is sending me spinning
I’m getting nowhere
My head and my heart are colliding – chaotic
Pace of the world – I just wish I could stop it
Try to appear like I’ve got it together
I’m falling apart
Save me
Somebody take my hand
And lead me

Slow me down
Don’t let love pass me by
Just show me how
Cause I’m ready to fall
Slow me down
Don’t let me live a lie
Before my life flies by
I need you to slow me down

Sometimes I fear that I might disappear
In the blur of fast-forward I falter again
Forgetting to breathe, I need to sleep
I’m getting nowhere
All that I’ve missed I see in the reflection
Passed me while I wasn’t paying attention
Tired of rushing, racing and running
I’m falling apart
Tell me
Oh won’t you take my hand
And lead me

Slow me down
Don’t let love pass me by
Just show me how
Cause I’m ready to fall
Slow me down
Don’t let me live a lie
Before my life flies by
I need you to slow me down

Just show me
I need you to slow me down
The noise of the world is getting me caught up
Chasing the clock and I wish I could stop it
Just need to breathe, somebody please
Slow me down

bring on the wonder

Bring On The Wonder – Susan Enan Featuring Sarah McLachlan

Memories are only random motions of ordinary life stringed together by pure emotion. And yet they influenced who we were, where we’re headed and what we become. Why is there so much power in some abstract concept? Maybe because we want to keep a record of our contribution in this infinite universe, we make them powerful enough to either give us life or break us apart, aware that our every action is actually bounded by chance and that they are parts of ourselves that we can never bring back. And so they remain a silent portal through which our souls go through every once a while just to feel the reality of time and our trivial existence. -October 27′08

It is in solitude where we open up, in sorrow we find companionship and in darkness, with Luna overshadowed that we are able to see more clearly. We also learn that friendship is still the most comfortable way to fall in love and be in love and we even with imperfections, we come to appreciate humanity. And then there’s the magnitude of raw emotions, words and movement as forms of expression. Finally and most important of all, we realize that it is in pain that we are most alive.

Of course, you probably knew all that if you read the book. -On New moon, Nov.1′08

Never used to children, never used to dirt or noise or our inexperience or imperfections. Maybe that’s because she’s used to having herself on a pedestal and now she tithers as the floor crumbles beneath her. -November 2′08
Sometimes i get a clear picture in my head, the details lucid enough for it to be real, like i’m watching a movie play. But the thought of actually ending a life, of murdering my own blood gives me an unsettling feelinf, much like wearing wet socks, and i cower and just let everything break by themselves. -Nov.2′08

Some have enough creative juices to liquidate the boundaries of sanity. Nov.8′08

i wish

i wish i hadn’t been born so that mama could have been happier.