why do people not succeed in being happy?

For all my years of living, I have come across countless books that made me aware of the fact that people are generally unhappy for various reasons. But why could this happen when our planet and our capable brains have already given us all the conveniences needed for survival? Let’s define the term first before we go any deeper. Aristotle, the great Greek philosopher believes that happiness is the proper end of man. He said that we should aim for it as it is a natural part of our existence. Yet, Webster simply describes it as a state of well-being and contentment. From these two, one can conclude that happiness is meant for hardworking humans. But it is more than that, for there are instances that left me thankful and satiated for unexplained reasons. I also believe that like love, happiness is something that we cannot have without consequence; it is elusive and uncommon. So why do people not succeed in being happy?

First, we are blind. We look for the wrong things and end up with nothing when it was already right there with us. What exactly blinds us? The beliefs and notions that we hold make us conclude that life is no more than material gain and making a name that will last through the centuries. It also causes us to assume, which for most simply means to expect. People assume too much and by the end, they’re the ones who get disappointed. This happens a lot, especially to me. I remember back a few years ago that I used to be an over-achiever. I was this kid who wanted to make her parents and family proud through recognition, there was nothing wrong with that, right? As the years mounted, I slowly turned sluggish and didn’t care as much for grades. This frustrated me. I used to look back and I would curse myself for not being enough. I assumed too that the people close to me thought of me that way. So I assured myself and my imaginary frustrated family, thinking that this was just a small break and I would eventually rise back up. But I never did. I found out later on that it was actually me who had set standards too high for me to grasp to compensate for the lost years when I wasn’t ‘enough’ in their eyes. All the while, my family kept telling me that it wasn’t the recognition or the achievements that were important but the lessons and the wisdom that we learn and practice along the way. So that explains why I was so angst-ridden in my early teenage years: I screened my vision of the person that I was and impaired my esteem all because I assumed wrongly that I would be happy and my parents would be happy IF I remained on top. I ended up expecting too much and became depressed.

Secondly, I think it also has to do with our connection with God. It is a common idea that we descended from God, the almighty father. So as children, we would naturally want to be gods ourselves. We wish to be infallible and immortal like him. This is manifested by the decaying bodies that we still keep and refuse to let go and all the efforts we do to attain flawless ivory skin. But humans attaining the same level as the father will never happen. We can only be gods by the perfect love that God shares with us and when we share that same love with others as well. From this theory comes another possibility: what if we were never meant to be happy in this life because we are incapable of being contented? We are after all, selfish beings by nature whose thirst for gratification is as deep as the ocean. To illustrate this argument, take a look at the dreams of the youth. Are they not huge ambitions which are too much for the size of the average adolescent? I won’t deny it: I do want more than my fair share; I too dream of stars that are far beyond my reach because I want to make my family stable.

The last theory that I have is my favorite. I have thought about this long and hard, and I play it over and over in my head to analyze it even more thoroughly. Maybe because of our busy but monotonous routines, we forget to be happy. Maybe once upon a time, all of earth enjoyed a state of profound happiness but then it eventually faded as soon as man invented work, standards and logic. Have you observed babies when they play and then compare their actions to people our age or much older people? Do you notice the light in their eyes, the curiosity shining through? As babies, man, I believe, is absorbed with excitement, wonder and smiles, requiring only the basic amenities (milk, food, water, love, rest and play) in order to survive. But as we age, we become more complicated and the sense of wonder and contentment dissipates in the background.

When I think of it, these three are interrelated somehow. And I believe that they hold some answers no matter if they are proven to be true or not. I really think humans forget to be happy because they have such high expectations due to their ambitions and their dreams of surpassing heaven. We blind ourselves with temporary elements to pass the time and to create a reason to forget. We forget how to be grateful and how to take happiness out of ourselves and spread it all around us. The issue isn’t so much as not succeeding to be happy but rather, to remember how to be complacent and grateful by living purely everyday.

burn to ashes

Q: How come it’s only Bella who gets happy endings?

A: Because she’s not real!

***

unstable. angry. psychotic.

i sure as hell hate myself right now for being such a disappointment.

so many mistakes i’ve made that can never be taken back or for me to compensate.

pesti. i think i understand the self-loathing that Edward feels and the hatred that Jacob has for every little bit of pain he caused the people he loved, especially Bella.

I don’t want to finish Breaking Dawn anymore.

I don’t want to study.

I don’t want to live.

I don’t want me.

if only

If only I could move closer to you for another moment and feel your tender breath on my neck. I would savor every second of it as I hold your beautiful skin and listen as you speak like a child for one more time. If only I would be able to hold you in my arms again and pretend once more that you belong to me.

If only time had been on our side and I could have loved you better.

***

If only

It has to be one of the most powerful statements in the world. It’s only three syllables long but those small words hold so much in them when uttered. They express the emotions that take us when we let things slip away, when we let people go, when we don’t do anything to make the situation better and they tell our innermost longings. I think it’s simply what makes nostalgia so contagious. Through it, we feel the weight of our choices and grieve for the end of our chance, the end of something that could have happened but will never return. Regrets only come by the time everything is said and done, but their impact can linger on for the entirety of our lifetimes.

And yet, we can still choose not to let those regrets control us. For one thing, we can avoid them by thinking things thoroughly and then take the risk. If we do just that, we may regret having done something out of proportion, but we wouldn’t regret so much because we knew we tried at least. But then, regrets can also take form in the actions we make. So I’m wondering, what hurts you more, doing or saying things that you wished you didn’t, or not doing anything at all when you had the chance?

If only.

If only we have the answers to all the questions; if only love was enough for people to be happy and to survive healthily; if only we would stop aiming for stars that are too far from our reach; If only we weren’t so curious; and if only we weren’t so apathetic and care more often, and then maybe we wouldn’t feel so burdened with our humanity and make excuses out of it.